Square Waffles
I’ve realized over the past few years that when it comes to food I have very particular tastes and habits. I’ve compiled a short list :
1) Whenever I eat a sandwich it has to contain only one thing on it. For instance, only cheese or only turkey may be placed on the sandwich in question, but never turkey and cheese. That would be far too much for me to handle on one sandwich. Who likes turkey and cheese anyway….weird.
2) This is closely related to number 1. Whenever I have a turkey sandwich, with nothing else mind you, I must remove all the skin around the edge of the turkey before I am able to consume my sandwich. This means getting ever last little piece of skin that way no skin will contaminate my turkey sandwich. I actually see nothing wrong with this; who wants to eat that brown stuff?
3) I hate when my food touches. It one of those things I absolutely cannot stand. My turkey cannot touch my mash potatoes. Everything requires its own place on my plate. Even turkey needs room to breathe, and so I beg of you mash potatoes please stay in your designated area on the plate. Is that really too much to ask?
4) Along with the assigned distribution of food to specific areas on my plate, I refuse to place ketchup directly on to my fries. I require some other sort of container, or even just a napkin, to place my pile of ketchup. What really irks me is when you are at a restaurant and they place all your food on this one tiny, little plate. Thus, when your food reaches the table there is always contamination from one party into the next party’s assigned area. And if that weren’t enough, once I finally get everything assigned as nature would have intended it, there is never any room for my pile of ketchup. I think there needs to be a designed plate size for various dinners; it really would solve a lot of my problems. Maybe even get those plates with little compartments so that your food is sure to stay behind the yellow line.
5) This is in regards to the new abundance of waffles in the commons. Now I love waffles, and I’ve had a craving for them for some time now. Thus, I was thoroughly excited when the new waffle irons were implemented into the commons. However, I’ve noticed that I’ve perfected the art of eating waffles. First off, I hate when my waffles get soggy so the syrup must be placed in another container. Then I pour a small amount over the area that will be consumed. However, care must be taken when cutting the waffle so that within each bite you have exactly one perfectly symmetrical square. Yes, I realize this may seem very trivial to most, but I have this weird obsession which makes it physically impossible for me to consume waffles without perfect squares in each bite. Who knows, maybe one day I will get really wild and cut them in little triangles, or even dare I say, randomly ::Gasps:: I wouldn’t hold your breathe on that one.
I could go on, but as of right now I believe I have disclosed too much information. I fear that many will try to imitate my art of waffle consumption, but this is a technique that has been perfected over many years. Care must be taken when practicing this art, so please heed my advice…only try this under the supervision of a wafflemaster.
Do you all know what a zebra is? It’s a stripy horse!
I’ve realized over the past few years that when it comes to food I have very particular tastes and habits. I’ve compiled a short list :
1) Whenever I eat a sandwich it has to contain only one thing on it. For instance, only cheese or only turkey may be placed on the sandwich in question, but never turkey and cheese. That would be far too much for me to handle on one sandwich. Who likes turkey and cheese anyway….weird.
2) This is closely related to number 1. Whenever I have a turkey sandwich, with nothing else mind you, I must remove all the skin around the edge of the turkey before I am able to consume my sandwich. This means getting ever last little piece of skin that way no skin will contaminate my turkey sandwich. I actually see nothing wrong with this; who wants to eat that brown stuff?
3) I hate when my food touches. It one of those things I absolutely cannot stand. My turkey cannot touch my mash potatoes. Everything requires its own place on my plate. Even turkey needs room to breathe, and so I beg of you mash potatoes please stay in your designated area on the plate. Is that really too much to ask?
4) Along with the assigned distribution of food to specific areas on my plate, I refuse to place ketchup directly on to my fries. I require some other sort of container, or even just a napkin, to place my pile of ketchup. What really irks me is when you are at a restaurant and they place all your food on this one tiny, little plate. Thus, when your food reaches the table there is always contamination from one party into the next party’s assigned area. And if that weren’t enough, once I finally get everything assigned as nature would have intended it, there is never any room for my pile of ketchup. I think there needs to be a designed plate size for various dinners; it really would solve a lot of my problems. Maybe even get those plates with little compartments so that your food is sure to stay behind the yellow line.
5) This is in regards to the new abundance of waffles in the commons. Now I love waffles, and I’ve had a craving for them for some time now. Thus, I was thoroughly excited when the new waffle irons were implemented into the commons. However, I’ve noticed that I’ve perfected the art of eating waffles. First off, I hate when my waffles get soggy so the syrup must be placed in another container. Then I pour a small amount over the area that will be consumed. However, care must be taken when cutting the waffle so that within each bite you have exactly one perfectly symmetrical square. Yes, I realize this may seem very trivial to most, but I have this weird obsession which makes it physically impossible for me to consume waffles without perfect squares in each bite. Who knows, maybe one day I will get really wild and cut them in little triangles, or even dare I say, randomly ::Gasps:: I wouldn’t hold your breathe on that one.
I could go on, but as of right now I believe I have disclosed too much information. I fear that many will try to imitate my art of waffle consumption, but this is a technique that has been perfected over many years. Care must be taken when practicing this art, so please heed my advice…only try this under the supervision of a wafflemaster.
Do you all know what a zebra is? It’s a stripy horse!
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