Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Digression

I know that lately I have been a horrible blogger. I cringe even at me saying that I am a blogger because it has been over a month since I last graced this lovely playground. I wish that I could say this update will compensate for all the lost time, but unfortunately it will not. I typically reserve this place to talk about little happenings in my life, funny quarks, and random stories. However, I feel that it is necessary to share something a little deeper this time.

As the semester draws to an end I look back and realize how much I have changed in such a short period of time. I’m not sure if any of you have noticed, but lately I’ve been much happier in all aspects of my life. I’m no longer the stressed, anxious, worrisome Serena everyone was use to. Yes, I still study a lot, and yes I still strive to make good grades and the such, but there is a vast difference between the me of now and the me of yesterday. I realized a short time ago that yes, I do have a lot of stuff to do and it seems like I will never finish. However, by some miracle I am always able to get stuff done and it all works out in the end. So why was I worrying all the time? Why was I making myself so anxious that I had to withdraw from people? That’s when I realized that yes, I do have a lot to do and that at times it can feel overwhelming but that I can accomplish it all. Life doesn’t need to be a constant struggle. Life is what you make of it. Stress comes from your own mental processing of your experiences. When you are angry over something, you think, “She made me so angry.” But how can another person make you angry? The anger lies in yourself, you create that anger. We cannot place the blame of our bad experiences onto others because we can choose to allow the experience to make us angry, or we can allow the experience to affect us in another way. I think more than anything I was trying to run away from me. I was afraid to look deeper and to actually see what was beyond the façade. To be honest, I’m still very far from experiencing the true me. I’m still caught up in the worldly aspects of life, but I think that in time I will be able to dig beneath that false layer and find the real meaning.

I make no claims to know some great insight into life that others do not yet know. I just realize that I hold the key to my own happiness, or lack there of. I hold the ability to make life an enjoyable experience or one of misery. Also, the more I examine things the more I realize that I know very little. And instead of being anxious about this lack of knowledge, I instead allow it to give me hope that one day I will reach a point where it all makes sense. Look inside for the things that you seek, they have always been there and will always remain.

Sorry, just had to get that off my chest.

Ever have that experience where you meet someone for the first time and you instantly click with them. For some reason you feel that this stranger, this person you have never met before, knows more about you than your best friend. It’s like they can penetrate beyond the surface of yourself and reach the inner core that you never let anyone see. It is an absolutely wonderful experience. I’ve had an experience like this not too long ago and I’m not sure I can put into words what I felt, or how it has affected me. It’s just something that you have to experience yourself. It’s strange how people come in and out of your life, often at times when you are in desperate need for something. And somehow you miraculously stumble across this stranger that knows exactly how you feel. Why is that? Why are there people out there who you have never met and yet you feel a closer connection to them than say your own family? And yet instead of sitting here trying to contemplate that very question, I instead choose to accept the fact that sometimes things happen just because they happen. I choose to live in the experience, not in the contemplation of that experience.

Also, I would just like to inform everyone that I am slowly; key word here is slowly starting to get over my feet phobia. Yes, I still have a general dislike of feet, but I am now actually wearing flip-flops. Small steps…

O, with that last thing, I have officially taking off my nail polish, the nail polish that had been on for almost two months, and have replaced it with another more fabulous color that will reign for the next two months. Welcome in the glorious pinky rose…

I would also like to inform everyone that bob, my plant, is actually still alive and looking mighty healthy. So to all of those people out there who thought I was incapable of keeping a plant alive cough*Helen*cough….look at Bob grow. Never doubt me, I can accomplish a great many things…he he.

Yes, I just remember something else. Yesterday I was working on my research paper which was due today. So I finished it up at the computer lab and printed it out and came back to my room. I was reading over the copy and realized I needed to make a few adjustments to my masterpiece. So I popped in my disk, clicked the open file. Unfortunately, the click the open file was a little more complicated and what I really ended up doing was hitting the save button and when it asked me if I wanted to replace, yes I should have realized my error at this point, I clicked yes, thinking that I was still just opening the file and that it was opening the recently saved file. However, I was in error and had really just saved a blank screen to my disk overwriting the saved version. Thankfully, I had printed it out and set about to begin the whole process of retyping my paper over again. Good stuff right there!

I officially went to a bar called Jellyrolls….what I was thinking?

My roommate has a rotting banana in the fridge that has been there for over a week now. I’m afraid to even ask what she is rotting it for…

Boing, what a great word. I think if you are feeling down for any reason at all you should stop whatever you are doing and say Boing 342 times and I believe you will have a new appreciation of life. It helps if you jump up and down when you say the word boing. Start hopping baby…boing, boing, boing

I am physically incapable of returning my library books on time. Why is that?

Why is it that whenever I am in a car and someone on the opposite side of the car opens their window I feel compelled to open mine. It’s like I am incapable of sitting in a car and having only one window open. It drives me mad. I have to have both windows on opposite sides of the car open or no windows at all. Does this strike anyone else as weird?

Lately, it seems I’ve been the one who has had to change the roll of toilet paper as it reaches its final roll. However, I must explain one thing…I do not mind putting the toilet paper on the little toilet paper dispenser, no that is not what troubles me. What troubles me about this more than anything is that I can never seem to get the roll started. I swear our toilet paper has to be the cheapest toilet paper every invented. The edge of the roll is super glued to the roll, so that I end up tearing up half the roll just to get it started. Then it never fails, once I finally get it started the I’ve started it the wrong way. There is a general consensus amongst the suitemates that the roll should roll from the top, not the bottom. So once I finally get it torn to shreds, it never fails that instead of it rolling from the top as it should because I strategically placed in on the dispenser so that it would, it ends up rolling from the bottom just to piss me off. Likewise, instead of coming out in one nice two-ply sheet it comes out as two thinly separate sheets. Is there a class I can take or something to perfect the art of toilet paper dispensation? Please sign me up if there is.

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