6428 Pages of Nothingness…

Episode 54 of the Roommate Saga.
I walk into my room on Saturday to find an ungodly scene and smell. Seems as though my roommate is really “sick” and has thrown up all over her bed. Yes, let me repeat, she has thrown up all over her bed. Thus, the only place for her to lie down was in my bed. Let me just reemphasize the fact that she had just thrown up in her bed and was now lying in my bed. She also informed me that she had to drink all my water because once again, she was sooo “sick”. The room smelt horrible and looked absolutely disgusting. Helen later informed me that she had thrown up all morning and that apparently her and another girl, her sister was staying for the weekend, had taken a shower together…I don’t really care to know. But apparently her “sickness” was gone in 4.5 hours because she was roaring to go partying once again. I guess she had that 4.5 hour bug that seems to be going around.

Today I was working on writing a proposal for a grant. I finished it by the way. Anyway, I left to go to class and I left the paper open on my computer. I came back to find that my paper now had 6,428 pages…man, it was only suppose to be 1500 words. Guess I need to cut out those last 6,422 pages…

Our toilet is driving me absolutely mad. It keeps running, then shutting off for about 15 seconds, then running, then shutting off, and you get the picture. Its like being in a room where just a drop of water is leaking, drop, drop, drop, and eventually you ram your head against the wall because for some reason that makes the water cease to drop. Although, afterwards I wake up with a huge bruise on my head and little recollection of the past five hours…and the water, well it still continues to drop.

At work today the other guy who works there was asked to go pick something up at another office. However, the lady made the mistake of saying take your time. 15 minutes pass and we start to think a search party may be needed. 25 minutes later we are thinking he has been kidnapped. 30 minutes later we are thinking what the hell happened to this kid. I then remember the hissing squirrels and the flying ufo’s, and the fact that he was a guy…it all makes sense.

Why is it that I get sucked into the most mind-numbing games? The other day I came across this game called escape. The point of the game, don’t let your little box get hit by the other boxes. It actually requires a lot of skill to perfect this game…I’m up to 21.876 seconds or so. Then there is the helicopter game where you click your mouse to go up or down and avoid these green box things, boxes are very popular with me. I’ve gotten over 3,000 and that’s no easy feat mind you.

The other day I was walking to the commons and I saw the strangest thing. O, I just remembered I saw two strange things, but not on the same day or at the same time. Well of course it wasn’t at the same time, it wasn’t even on the same day…jeez. Anyway, the first amusing thing was a fork in a tree. I mean, how does a fork get in the tree. Next thing you know there will be a fork in the road…ha ha. On the other day was this guy, our age mind you, smoking a pipe. No not that kind of pipe, but one of the old-fashioned sorts of pipes your grandfather would have used. Is this a new fad or something?

Also, at work today I was given a plant. Yipppeee, I get to have a plant. I will love, and water it, and call it my little squishy. I will keep it happy and healthy and it will live forever. Hmm, now that I think of it, I think I left him at work…I’m going to make a great mom someday.

I am William Wallace…

I’ve finally realized that there is a war going on between me and the stairs. The first couple of battles went unnoticed by me because I was always able to defend myself to the point that there was no clear winner. This all change today.

It was a glorious morning. I had ventured to work as is my custom on Thursday mornings. My first assignment of the day was to trek to another part of campus to pick up some files, simple enough. I exit the building and proceed to go down the stairs in the typical one by one fashion. Unfortunately, the stairs did not like this technique and thought it would be best if they hastened my trip down the stairs. The result was me falling down a good 5 or 6 stairs, landing firmly on my butt. Not to mention that today, of all the days, I chose to wear a skirt. Now you all know that I very rarely wear skirts, unless its time for laundry. So the lack of clean clothes plus the glorious weather led me to actually wear a skirt, but true to my form the skirt was worn with tennis shoes. Anyway, I finally concluded that the war between Serena and the stairs had officially begun. The stairs may have claimed their first victory in the form a giant bruise on my ass, but I will come back fighting…Are you scared? Well you should be Mr. Stair. I’m coming for you!

I believe I may actually have figured out what I am going to do for my senior research topic. Yipppeeee!

During my religion class the other night a girl was trying to open the door to use the restroom, simple enough. However, the whole concept of opening the door was something she had not experienced before. She spent a good 2 minutes trying to actually get out of the classroom, repeatedly locking and unlocking the door until the whole class was focused solely on her. We offered our advice, push the door instead of pull, and much to her surprise the door opened. Five minutes later we hear a rumbling coming from the outside of the door. Apparently she has already forgotten her lesson on door opening, and again we are forced to tell her to push, not pull the door. I’m guessing door opening is not something that is regularly taught in some households, nor in schools. I suppose it is a hard concept to grasp at times, especially when we are use to automatic doors. Although, I find those troubling at times as well. I have a hard time negotiating those tricky doors, and as a result, I have had many unpleasant run-ins with the glass. Does the excuse it was so clean I couldn’t tell there was a door there work in that situation? I’m guessing not.

Why is it that my trash can is constantly full. I swear every time I dump it out it takes approximately 4.5 hours before it is filled to the top and must be emptied again. Does anyone else have this problem? I use to think it was because my trash can was so small, so I upgraded to a bigger and better one. However, the problem is still here. I’m guessing it is just a law of nature that no matter what size the trash can, it will constantly be filled before you ever have a chance to admire the sight of no trash. Before it was 2.5 hours, now I have lengthened the time frame to 4.5 hours. I’m thinking about stealing the trash can in the hall. I believe it will lengthen the time to about 15 hours.

Have you noticed how Vitamin C has become the cure for everything? Have a cold, take some Vitamin C. Want to avoid cancer; Vitamin C is your answer. Want to improve your vision so that automatic glass doors are easily visible, Vitamin C it is. Want to experience life as a citrus fruit…well, taking megadoses of Vitamin C is as close as you can get aside from turning orange and growing a peel.

"Boys are a lot different than girls." Wait, you mean there is a difference between girls and boys...how can this be. I always thought we were exactly the same. Now that i think of it, I always wondered why...nevermind. I learned this little tidbit of information at work today. The mysteries of the world will never cease to amaze me.

We are circling around a super massive black hole, that's some food for thought.

Rockabilly- Rock n’ Roll played by hillbillies.

Grrr...I have this thing under my favorites that makes me click 88 times before it goes away. It never fails that I hit this link at least once every two weeks or so because I can't quite remember what it is to. You would think hitting my mouse 88 times would make me remember something like that. I guess this and opening doors are at the top of the 25 hardest things to learn in life.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Sanitary landfill

A conversation with the roommate…
Roommate: “I’ve noticed you’ve been waking up with a stuffy nose lately, so have I.”
Me: “Well, I’ve been sick lately. I think that might have something to do with it.”
Roommate: “O, I thought it might be my fridge.” (Little background information. The fridge she is referring to has not been cleaned in about a year. It is absolutely disgusting and has black mold and various other organisms living in it. It is presently sitting in our room for no apparent reason other than collecting various molds and fungi. Maybe she is doing an experiment and she just hasn’t told me. Anyone in desperate need of healthy, flourishing mold spores please feel free to contact me anytime. We currently have a wide selection sure to fit anyone’s needs.) “Well I was thinking about cleaning it out anyways. I don’t want to use bleach because I think that may be a little too much.”
Me: I’m thinking to myself, “Yes, I believe you do need to clean out that mold infested petri dish you are calling a “Fridge”. I actually think it needs to be quarantined before any attempt at cleaning it begins. On second thought, just throw it out the window.” What I actually said went something more like, “I have some bathroom cleaner, you can borrow that if you want.”
Roommate: “Does that disinfect?”

Random conversation I walk in on tonight. “I think it was a little inappropriate for you to give her a urine sample…” I suspect this is a new step in the whole relationship process. I mean, how can you really know someone without a urine sample…It makes a lot of sense to me. “Sweetie, can you please pee in this little cup for me. Think of it as a bonding experience.” Could also be a foreshadowing of future events? Who knows?

Randomness from Dr. Farrell. We were going over mathematical formulas for population growth, and what not, and the subject of negative individuals came up. “Obviously you can’t have a negative individual, right? I mean what is a negative individual? O, Someone who complains a lot.”

I was teaching this non-science major biology class one semester and we were at Lake Woodruff. This one kid came late and he parked his car right next to the train tracks. For those of you who are not familiar with the area, the road into Lake Woodruff has a railroad crossing through it, although there are no gates or anything of that nature. Anyway, they are out looking at stuff and all of a sudden the sound of a train is heard. The kid looks at Dr. Farrell with concerned eyes, “Trains actually run on these tracks?” Dr. Farrell, “Ummm, yeah.” A frantic student makes a mad dash to try and save his car from the evil train. Luckily, the kid had parked at least a couple feet away from the tracks and as a result, his car was spared by the 1 foot of separation between the car and the train. Those crazy non-science majors…will they never learn?

Thoughts…
Sticky notes are one of the greatest inventions of our time. It’s right up there with toilet paper. I mean how one can go a day without using this marvelous invention is beyond my comprehension. I find that on a daily basis I have a need to use a little piece of paper with a small strip of sticky stuff (actual technical term employed by the sticky producers), which come in a wide selection of colors, shapes, and sizes, sure to fit any need. Need to write down a number, use a sticky. Need to remember something, use a sticky. Need a new poster for your room, compile a few hundred stickies. Need to write down the results of your spouses’ urine sample, a sticky is the only thing that will do. Thank goodness for stickies; life would be a whole lot less sticky without them.

Going with the whole sticky flow, I generally have a great fondness for any words that end in -icky. Sticky, picky, flicky, icky…it just has a great sound. Don’t you dare get all flicky with my sticky. I think you are just way too picky and frankly rather icky.

No clue...
If I were a battery and you were a bag of chips, I would be ever ready and you would be free-to-lay!

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness - Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

Omelet Hazard

I hate when you can only breathe through one nostril. It either needs to be both, or none. This whole left nostril open and right nostril stuffed up just doesn’t sit well with me. What’s even better is when you lie on one side to get rid of your stuffy nose and for about two minutes you are able to breathe freely with both nostrils. However, this is short lived for inevitably the stuffy nose finally recovers from his long trek and reaches his destination…the right nostril.

After writing that I’ve just realized how strange the word nostril looks. Even worse is the sound of someone saying nostril. Its right up there with urinate.

I actually kind of like my voice when I’m sick. Instead of me sounding like a 12 year-old with pig-tails in my hair, I sound like a 70 year-old…where’s my medicine?

I actually have to decide on a topic for my senior research project in the upcoming week. Today I went to talk with one of my professor’s and his reply, “Wow, you are all over the place.” Ummm, yeah…was that supposed to be helpful? Maybe next time you could tell me that the snake that just bit me was poisonous. I could find that a little more beneficial.

I’m not really sure if this happens to other people, or if it is just me, but whenever I have a test the next day I always dream about doing problems. For instance, if I have an upcoming organic test I find myself going through different reactions, or naming different compounds. No matter what the subject, this always happens. Its great waking up to the realization that the carbonyl group in an IR Spectroscopy is around 1700. Doesn’t get much better than that, except for that brief window of time where mister stuffy has stopped to take a much needed break and breathing between both nostrils is restored. Let the good times begin.

Have you even noticed that whenever you get sick everyone is like you must have got what’s going around. Seems like there is always something going around and it is always the same thing, it just gets labeled differently depending on the time of the year. Allergies, flu, a cold, sinus infection, a bug are all codenames for that sickness which plagues everyone at least once a year. The decision you have to make is whether you suffer through the cold with over the counter drugs or go to health services where they graciously tell you that you have (insert some random flu-like illness) and prescribe you with amoxicillin. Health services is great in that you can walk in with a sprained ankle and walk out with a prescription for amoxicillin, the all-purpose drug.

Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?

Square Waffles

I’ve realized over the past few years that when it comes to food I have very particular tastes and habits. I’ve compiled a short list :

1) Whenever I eat a sandwich it has to contain only one thing on it. For instance, only cheese or only turkey may be placed on the sandwich in question, but never turkey and cheese. That would be far too much for me to handle on one sandwich. Who likes turkey and cheese anyway….weird.

2) This is closely related to number 1. Whenever I have a turkey sandwich, with nothing else mind you, I must remove all the skin around the edge of the turkey before I am able to consume my sandwich. This means getting ever last little piece of skin that way no skin will contaminate my turkey sandwich. I actually see nothing wrong with this; who wants to eat that brown stuff?

3) I hate when my food touches. It one of those things I absolutely cannot stand. My turkey cannot touch my mash potatoes. Everything requires its own place on my plate. Even turkey needs room to breathe, and so I beg of you mash potatoes please stay in your designated area on the plate. Is that really too much to ask?

4) Along with the assigned distribution of food to specific areas on my plate, I refuse to place ketchup directly on to my fries. I require some other sort of container, or even just a napkin, to place my pile of ketchup. What really irks me is when you are at a restaurant and they place all your food on this one tiny, little plate. Thus, when your food reaches the table there is always contamination from one party into the next party’s assigned area. And if that weren’t enough, once I finally get everything assigned as nature would have intended it, there is never any room for my pile of ketchup. I think there needs to be a designed plate size for various dinners; it really would solve a lot of my problems. Maybe even get those plates with little compartments so that your food is sure to stay behind the yellow line.

5) This is in regards to the new abundance of waffles in the commons. Now I love waffles, and I’ve had a craving for them for some time now. Thus, I was thoroughly excited when the new waffle irons were implemented into the commons. However, I’ve noticed that I’ve perfected the art of eating waffles. First off, I hate when my waffles get soggy so the syrup must be placed in another container. Then I pour a small amount over the area that will be consumed. However, care must be taken when cutting the waffle so that within each bite you have exactly one perfectly symmetrical square. Yes, I realize this may seem very trivial to most, but I have this weird obsession which makes it physically impossible for me to consume waffles without perfect squares in each bite. Who knows, maybe one day I will get really wild and cut them in little triangles, or even dare I say, randomly ::Gasps:: I wouldn’t hold your breathe on that one.

I could go on, but as of right now I believe I have disclosed too much information. I fear that many will try to imitate my art of waffle consumption, but this is a technique that has been perfected over many years. Care must be taken when practicing this art, so please heed my advice…only try this under the supervision of a wafflemaster.

Do you all know what a zebra is? It’s a stripy horse!

Crack Monkey

I hate those nights where you just sit in bed thinking and then you're like, "I have to go to sleep now. I'm only going to get 5 hours if I go to sleep now. I have to go to sleep." Yet no matter how much you say that, another hour passes and you still have yet to fall asleep.

Today in organic lab we did this experiment to make an ester, but not just any kind of ester. Today we got to make smelly esters! Mine was supposed to smell like an apple. It really did not smell like an apple. However, the amusing thing was how excited we were that we got to make smelly stuff. All the other labs where we make diphenylacetylene and other organic compounds that you can’t pronounce hold no meaning to us, but throw in some smelly fruit smells and we are eager to jump on board.

When I was a kid I use to put ketchup packets in the road and watch cars run over them. That is my childhood in a nutshell, or should I say in a packet….a ketchup packet.

I have a blister on the tip of my finger from making easy mac the other night. Seeing as though the name says EASY mac I figured I could make it with no mishaps. I was wrong…

When walking in the forest it is best to have either two dry shoes or two wet shoes, but not one wet and one dry. The wet foot is too squishy and the dry foot to dry, but if you have them both wet...well, that’s just right.

I just killed Mr. Rogers.

Weather Forecast: There will be a high chance of darkness tonight.